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The Merkletots

My son, Kevin, who is now a doctoral candidate at Ohio University, wrote the following poem for a school assignment in the fifth grade. I can still remember him sitting at the kitchen table, working on this poem and laughing out loud at some of the things he was writing. He wrote the entire poem with only a couple of suggestions from me.

I haven't seen this poem since my son son was ten years-old (he is now 27). Recently he found the poem in a box of old papers and other things he took with him when he went to to college in 1999. He scanned the original typewritten poem and sent a copy to me by email.

While sometimes the meter of the poem is out-of-whack and some of the rhymes might be a tad "forced" it still made me smile when I read it again. I told him I was going to use his poem as a "rant" and a blog. So here it is, now published for semi-posterity, Kevin's poem.....

The Merkletots

In the quiet little village
We all know as Prunewinkle
Lived the families of Floon,
Merkletot and Finkle.

The Merkletots had sons
Named Barron and Reven;
The Floons had two
The Finkles had seven.

They all had a picnic
At Hornetville park -
Then the Merkletot's dog
Started to bark.

They couldn't stop the barking
Of that big-bellied beast -
As he headed for the baskets
Of the family picnic feast.

He ate every hot dog
All the hamburgers and the snacks -
And very accidentally ate
Some rather big thumb tacks.

The Merkletots were worried
And took the doggie to the vet -
Where the thumb tacks were extracted
But he wasn't finished yet...

The doctor said "Dear Otis,
With everything you ate..
You weigh far too much, my friend,
For a doggie of your weight!"

"We're sending you back home.
You'll be on a special diet...
I know you love to eat too much,
But you're going to have to try it."

"For the next couple days
You'll be ornery and sore,
But you'll barely have a craving
For those junk foods anymore."

So the Merkletots took Otis
Back to Hornetville park;
But by that time they noticed
It was starting to get dark.

So they all packed up their picnics
In the late, late, afternoon;
These families we call Finkle,
Merkletot and Floon.


Later that year on
The Merkletots vacation
They meant to take a plane
But wound up at the train station.

They got on the train and
They ended up in Boston
Where Merrill said to Rhombus
"This trip is too exhaustin'"

The Merkletots went home again
To the fine town of Prunewinkle;
They were greeted by the friendly
Families of dear old Floon and Finkle.

The Merkletots agreed
It was a long and boring trip.
The even told the Finkles
That their vacation was a gyp!

But the boredom soon was over
When a knock came at the door
And there stood a long lost uncle
They had never seen before.

Now it might be good to know
That the name of this strange uncle
Was none other than the famous
One, uncle Cyrus McFunkle.

He came a long, long way,
From Scotland, across the sea,
To show the Merkletots
His new pink chimpanzee.

The monkey's name was Nelson
But they called him Uncle Jake.
And he very often suffered from
A minor belly ache.

The youngest, Reven Merkletot
Came running to the door...
And said, "Come in Uncle Cyrus
And sit upon our floor!"

"Would your monkey like a milkshake
Or perhaps a Diet Coke?"
"No thank you," said his uncle
"My monkey doesn't smoke."

"Perhaps a glass of water
Is all he really needs.
Or, a bag of dirt, a plastic pot,
And a pack of garden seeds."

"We don't have any bags of dirt,
Nor any plastic pots...
But we have tons and tons of fun
'Cos we're the Merkletots!"

Later in the evening
When they all sat down to eat,
The monkey took the silver fork
And stabbed it in his meat.

Cyrus said to Nelson,
"Where are your manners, now?
It's not polite to poke your fork
Into that piece of cow!"

Then Cyrus said to Merrill,
"Excuse my little ape,"
As he got up from the table
To find some masking tape.

He taped the monkey's fingers
To a dirty silver spoon,
And said "Now mind your manners,
You foolish old baboon."

Then suddenly the door bell rang,
'Twas the paper girl named Anna...
The monkey ran and grabbed her nose
Which looked like a banana.

Cyrus yelled at Nelson
And the monkey sort of froze....
"You shouldn't talk to strangers
Or grab a stranger's nose."

The Merkletots and Cyrus
Then went out into the yard,
To enjoy the summer evening -
Then Cyrus drew out a card...

"This card can tell your future"
As he held it in the air
And Reven said to Cyrus
"Sir, that card looks mighty bare."

"Ah, but on this piece of paper
Are some faintly shaded lines
And only I have eyes to see
The bright and bold designs!

In each and every drawing
Are all your horoscopes.
It tells me all from A to Z
From rubber balls to ropes."

The Barron asked his uncle
"Cyrus, aren't you feeling well?"
Then Reven said to Merrill
"What's that awful thing I smell?"

Cyrus stood and shouted out
"According to my cards,
That awful thing you smell
Is in one of these three yards."

They searched and found the smell
That was coming from a trunk,
They opened it and were not surprised
To find a baby skunk.

Cyrus told his lovely family
"This is our lucky pet!"
He picked it up and hurried off
To take it to the vet."

"Doctor, I would like to have
This skunk deodorized,
Washed and sprayed and combed and brushed
And maybe hypnotized."

When Cyrus brought the skunk back
He didn't smell or whimper...
He became the perfect playmate for
Uncle Jake the chimper.


Suddenly they heard the horn
Of a beat-up Chevrolet,
And out jumped Aristotle Moon
Who had some things to say.

"I live in that old yellow house
The one with purple spots,
The one that is across the street
From those goofy Merkletots!"

The father of the Merkletots
Stood up to say "Hello",
And then said "Would you like a piece
Of Merrill's cookie dough?"

Uncle Cyrus shouted out,
(And he said this with delight)
"There is going to be an Aristotle
Moon at eight o'clock tonight!"

Then Aristotle Moon replied
"Yes, it will be a barbeque.
We'll get that little grill fired up
And cook a steak of two."

Then later on that evening
The Merkletots and Floons
And Finkles were all gathered
At Aristotle Moon's.

The Floons brought pickles, pop, and chips
And Cryus brought his chimp,
The Merkletots brought Otis,
And the Finkles brought their blimp.

The dog and skunk and Nelson,
The funny, famous, chimp.
And secretly they climbed aboard
The Finkle's silver blimp.

They flew away into the air
Into the puffy clouds
Above the village of Prunewinkle
Above the gathering crowds.

The Finkles left the party
They were feeling very sad
They had just lost the only blimp
That they had ever had.

Next to leave the party
Was the family of the Floons.
The left the Merkletots alone
At Aristotle Moon's.

Then Cyrus said to Rhombus
"I've have something more to say -
I bought you a house in Scotland
At one P.M. today."

"So, tomorrow we leave for Scotland,
Across the deep blue sea -
To the town where we all came from
A village called Farley McBee."

The Merkletots began packing
Up their old beat-up suitcases -
And Reven and Barron
Had big smiles upon their faces.

Cyrus said "Please hurry!"
Or we won't get on that plane...
And we cannot get to Scotland
Very easily on a train."

So, now they're all in Scotland
They're living now as Scots -
And having tons and tons of fun
Because they're STILL the Merkletots.

---The End----

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