Yesterday I took a walk.
My friend David walked around his domicile in Georgia and I through
the Ohio countryside. Although we're old, we are technologically
hip. We talked on our cell phones for a little while as we walked. I
walked eight miles, David walked five. Or so he says.
Face it, if you're over 50, you are spending your time on the Web looking at scantily-clad women, reading about colon, bladder, and prostate issues, trying to control your soaring cholesterol, clear your clogged arteries - and maybe even considering eating a more healthy diet and starting an exercise regimen. In that case you might want to keep on reading. I might save you from the agony of celery sticks and riding around for miles on bicycle with a seat designed for a twenty-year-old bottom. It occurred to me that you could be wasting your time. (Well, maybe not the scantily-clad women part.)
Now, now, ladies, don't get upset. I'm only stating the facts. Don't be so Victorian. This is the age of endless Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis TV commercials. You know the ones with the fawning middle-aged jezebels pawing their rotund objects of affection. Come on! Keep reading! You might actually enjoy this look into the bizarre minds of old guys fighting in vain to forestall the ravages of time. You might even take away a tiny morsel (no pun intended) of knowledge and insight into the hardening brains of pathetic old guys like me. If you are offended by scantily-clad women don't worry. There are absolutely none of those here. This is just boring old geezer stuff. Geezers like me are harmless. We spend most of our time safely ensconced in recliners, snoring away our final years.
Now guys, if you're here to learn about colon, prostate or other health problems which target guys over 50, there's a really good chance you're wasting your time. Should you eat, drink, and be merry or eat right, exercise and walk around sore and starving for the rest of your life? You want the truth? If you eat healthy, exercise and do all the good things rich doctors tell you to do - all you're doing is prolonging the inevitable. It is pathetic, but it is true. You might think that remaining very healthy until the very day of your death is very desirable. Don't get your hopes up. Your chances of that are very slim - no matter how many celery sticks you eat, sit-ups you do, or miles your jog. When you're over 50, there are a plethora of evil things out to get you. I'm sorry to tell you that scantily-clad women are not among them.
A healthy diet and exercise not only just prolongs the inevitable,
but might not be in your best interest either. Got your attention? Sometimes, I'm so proud of myself when I think of stuff
like this - who wouldn't be?
We are still able to walk now, but it's not a stretch of the imagination to picture ourselves hobbling around behind walkers waiting for death to take us, our well-exercised and starvation-thin bodies ravaged by age.
Is it better to fade slowly and perhaps, agonizingly into death after 80+ years of healthy diet and exercise? Or, is it better to speed up the inevitable and enjoy yourself all the way to the quick-exit ramp off the freeway of life? There's something to be said about the pleasures of 40+ years of gluttony and napping your life away on the couch. It looks like it's a toss-up to some, there are plenty of 50+ fat guys, snoozing in recliners, waking up to watch the 3rd quarter of a football game and have another bowl of chips, a couple more slices of pizza and a few more ice cold beers. They're all tempting fate: "What me worry?" Then there are some 50+ guys out jogging and coming home to a meal of cold tofu and carrot sticks trying to prolong the inevitable for a few more years. They look miserable and hungry.
To me, it's food for thought.
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