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Special K

The elections are coming up soon. All you McCain and Obama supporters, no need to worry here, I'm not going to endorse a candidate. I'm not that crazy. If I were going to endorse one or the other I would make at least 43% of you angry. I think enough of you are angry with me for one reason or another. But, it's OK, I'm used to it - I make people angry. It's just something about me. Like Abraham Lincoln once said: You can anger some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but you just can't anger all of the people all of the time. Or, something like that.


Most of you who live outside of California probably aren't aware of a special proposition on the ballot in San Francisco this election. It's called "Proposition K". I rather like to call it "Special K" because I'm that clever (and if you got it flaunt it, right?).

See, I told you I'd make you angry - but not as angry as if I would have told all you McCain supporters that I'm voting for Obama - or you Obama supporters who would have gotten their undies in a wad if I would have said I'm voting for McCain. I'm not going to go there - so don't even try to goad me into it!

Proposition K, if passed, would essentially make prostitution legal in San Francisco. I find this amusing since San Francisco also allows gay marriages which I know really gets you McCain voters all riled up - yes, "there you go again, Joe!" The reason I find it amusing that the City By The Bay which already allows gay marriages, marijuana smoking, and all sorts of so-called decadent stuff, now wants to allow prostitution, is that it seems a bit strange since in San Francisco you, seemingly, can engage in whatever activities your little sexual proclivities desire. So, you'd think that there wouldn't be much call for call girls, right? Apparently, I'm wrong. Because, it looks like the good people of San Francisco want Special K to pass - i.e. they want prostitution to be legal. If it passes, the high falutin, overpaid executives will no longer have to furtively seek instant gratification for whatever prurient desires their little stressed-out minds conjure up. As long at they can pay, they can play with no worries, mate. No more worrying about being caught and arrested as a bumbling "john" or looking on page C-5 the next day to see their mug shot. Bad for business!

Well, all this interest in Proposition K, started me thinking. I'm weird that way. I tend to think of strange things in strange ways and this makes people think I'm crazy. So, anyway, I got to thinking about prostitution and wondering if the higher the price the better the product. I mean, if you don't have to pay for something it's not usually as good as what you have to pay for, is it?

For example, is a free meal in a soup kitchen as good as a dinner at the Rainbow Room in New York? Is a free suit from Goodwill as good as a $1500.00 suit from some place with a French name? You get the idea. The best things in life aren't usually free, materially speaking, of course. So does this apply to the delicate subject of sex too?

I mean if you pay a call girl $1500, is it better than what you could get for free, from say your wife or girl friend? If it is, what makes it better? And when it's over, do you still roll over and go to sleep or go back and get your money's worth? That seems like  a lot of money if you're just going to roll over and go to sleep. So, I tried to think of how things get worth as much as they cost. But I just can't seem to get any correlation between worth and price when it comes to call girls.

And before you start thinking I'm some sort of perverted idiot, I've never paid a call girl in my life. I don't even know where I could find one. Well, that's not exactly true. I remember being in a rock band when I was in my late teens (legal age mind you) and being approached as I drove down Euclid Avenue in Cleveland after playing a gig somewhere. It was around three in the morning - and the call girls were apparently hard up for business. My friend and I were approached at several stop lights and for $5.00 we could have bought whatever they were selling. Before you think these were sleazy call girls, this was back in the late 60's when gasoline cost thirty-four cents a gallon. So $5.00 then is worth about $25.00 now, which means, I guess, these were really sleazy call girls anyway. But I'm just a kid so I wasn't really familiar with call girls and sleazy probably wasn't in my vocabulary in those days at least when it came to females.

I'm old now and I don't want to find out what makes sex worth $1500, $250, $100, or even $50. This seems like a lot of money to me. What makes it worth it? I have no idea and I'll never find out. But it's interesting to think about. Now I guess I'll never stop wondering if I've missed out on something. Maybe my experiences could have been better. Maybe a $3000 night would have opened my eyes to a brave new world...or even better!

I guess I'm glad I never found out because you can't miss something you've never had. It sort of like me missing the smell of the Amazon Jungle. I've never smelled the Amazon Jungle - so how the heck can I miss it?

I'll be watching the election returns on November 4 and probably into the early hours of November 5. But I won't be watching to see if Obama or McCain wins. I'll be watching to see if San Francisco is going to get their Special K. If they do, then hopefully one of you guys who live there, please write and tell me what I'm missing. I'll be waiting for your letter!

Sadly, the only Special K we have here in my little town, is in the cereal aisle of the grocery store.

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