Whatever network is carrying the Super Bowl is off the air from 12:00 noon until 12:00 midnight as far as I’m concerned. Did you hear that coverage of the game starts at 11:00 AM Eastern Time? Guess when kickoff is? Kickoff is at 6:28 PM. Guess when the game will end? I’m guessing somewhere around 10:30 -but the post game will run on until midnight. We just can’t get enough of football and cardboard people.

You know they have a lot of high-dollar commercials to squeeze in. Lots of “TV timeouts”. The last time I watched a football game on TV, my beloved Ohio State Buckeyes versus the Notre Dame, in the Fiesta Bowl (the Bucks prevailed) , the commercials were so long I almost forgot what was going on in the game.

But all this hoopla over a football game? Peyton Manning (he does commercials well) and the Denver Broncos versus the Cam “Fig” Newton and the Carolina Panthers?

People are paying hundreds of dollars, even thousands of dollars, for tickets to the Super Bowl. In case you want to go, you can’t –it’s sold out. Companies are paying tens of millions of dollars to advertise during the Super Bowl. People are spending their last dollars on junk food, beer, and soda pop for their “Super Bowl Parties” yet, here in the richest country in the world, millions of kid will go to bed hungry or without a decent place to live. You gotta love our priorities!

We must look like fools to the rest of the world. We have become a bunch of infantile whiners who complain about losing our jobs and our homes while we spend money we don’t have on potato chips, Fritos, Pepsi, chip dip, Miller Lite, Bud Lite, Gallo Wine, Swan Margarita mix and other foods and drinks with no nutritional value, but lots of alcoholic potential. It’s important to have a Super Bowl Party and sit a around a 92″Super HD2000 LEDTV– it’s only $198.00 a month at Chirp’s Rent-to-Own– and guzzle alcohol while unabashedly engaging in gluttonous revelry. All because why? Because the Denver Broncos, the team who plays in Mile-high stadium with low oxygen playing the Carolina Panthers whose quarterback who dances and prances with every TD his team scores – he acts like he never scored a touchdown before in his life.

All that money wasted. Just think of the number of families that could be fed if just one of the advertisers gave to the poor what one 30-second Super Bowl commercial costs. It doesn’t seem very fair, does it? Tomorrow those same revelers will be complaining they don’t have they money to pay their mortgages or buy gas for their SUVs – some won’t even have lunch money for their kids. So what? They saw the Stupor Bowl.

Two more things…If you’re one of those people who don’t care about football but are going to watch it for the commercials, let me tell you something.  That’s kind of like not going to church all year long but suddenly showing up on Easter Sunday.

And about those commercials…Those commercials cost millions of dollars per minute. Do you think Budweiser, PepsiCo, and the other advertisers are actually paying for those? Really? They’re not, you know. You’re paying for those. Every dollar they spend gets figured into their cost of doing business and when the cost gets too high and their profits get too low they’ll raise the price of their products and you’ll end up paying the price.

So laugh at the commercials if you want. Just remember, in the end, those companies are going to stick it to you and they’ll be laughing at you when you pay $10 for a six-pack of Pepsi.

Take a look at how much PepsiCo paid in bonuses to their executives last year. Still laughing? If you really want to laugh and save time, just visit www.youtube.com the day after the game. You can watch all the commercials there without sitting through almost 4 hours of over-hyped football. You can even watch YouTube videos while you chomp on chips and swill beer. I know. I’ve done it.

If there is anyone else out there who isn’t taken in by all the hyperbole… you’re welcome to come to my Anti-Super Bowl Party. It starts at 6:30 PM. At 7:00 PM I’m going to turn on NetFlix and watch six straight episodes of “The Twilight Zone”. Do you remember Rod Serling?

We’ll have fun, we’ll save money, and you’ll all drive home sober.

I’m having snacks too. You can have your choice of salad or you can choose one of my Lean Cuisine frozen dinners. If you get the munchies, I have pretzel rods and low-fat popcorn. I don’t have beer and but I think there may be a half bottle of cheap wine left over from Christmas. I didn’t buy any extra food, munchies or beverages for my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I will eat the stuff I already have. If I run out, you’ll just have to settle for “Twilight Zone” on my little 32″ LCD TV. No 92″ Super High Def TV here. If you don’t like my food, bring your own. I have paper plates and plastic forks and spoons.

I have plenty of coffee and water too. So if you get thirsty and that , you can have your choice between coffee or water. You won’t go thirsty at my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I might even have a few jelly donuts too. Don’t complain though – when they’re gone, they’re gone – I’d go out and buy more but, remember? Everything is closed at 7 for Super Bowl Sunday. But—don’t come early just for the jelly donuts. I will not answer the door before 7:00PM. I probably won’t be dressed properly until then.

I might decide not to answer the door after 7.

The six episodes of “Twilight Zone” should be over by 9:35 PM, so you’ll get home in plenty of time to get some sleep so you can get up for work the next morning. We don’t have any “post ‘Twilight Zone’ ” interviews or analysis scheduled although that might be fun. I won’t have any camera crews in the locker room because I don’t have a locker room – we could all crowd into my bedroom but I don’t think so. When the the sixth episode of the Twilight Zone is over, you’ll be expected to leave without complaining about what crappy parties I throw.

By 10:00 PM I’ll be in bed reading. You can only come to my Anti-Super Bowl party if you promise to leave right after the sixth episode of the “Twilight Zone” is over. You are not going to sit around at my and talk or pretend to enjoy each my company; why should you? No one else does. Also, I hate small talk almost as much as I hate the Super Bowl.

Consider yourself warned!

I’ll be hospitable as long as you’re quiet during “Twilight Zone” and don’t complain about the food. You can have all the water you want to drink, but if you want something else, when the half bottle of wine is gone, you’ll be out of luck. You’ll either have to leave or go without. It’s the best I can do. We’re counting our pennies around here, and I am not going out to buy a bunch of junk just because you’re coming to over. Bring your own food. If you eat a lot bring a lot of food.

If my party sounds like a great evening to you, you’re my kind of person.

Bring some food and drink… party hearty!