Avoiding the D Word
The other day I was talking to one of my sons and I said something like “If something happens to me”. I told him something I wanted him to do in the event of my demise.
The older I get the more references I make to my eventual demise. I really don’t know if my demise is eventual, imminent, or impending. I’m an old man – but even the young don’t know. All I know is we’re all given so many days on this earth and none of us know how many days we have — which at least makes it interesting. It would be awful – for me at least – to know the date of my demise. I mean I think I’d waste too much time focusing on that date or putting things off if the date was in the distant future.
Oh, in case you’re wondering, demise is a D word, but it’s not THE D word.
One thing is for sure, I’m an old man and I don’t have a “distant future”. As I’ve said, my demise is eventual, impending, or imminent and I can only hope it’s still in the eventual category.
But what I want to talk about today is our use of euphemisms when it comes to our own demise or the demise of others close to us. We go to extreme measures to avoid the use of the words dead, died, death, and dying unless we’re talking about strangers, those we don’t like, or mass casualties.
For instance: 80 Dead in Yesterday’s Earthquake
If Aunt Millie died yesterday, she is not dead. She did not die, She “passed away” or “passed on”. If 60 people died in a plane crash yesterday, trust me, they’re dead.
So, why do we avoid using the words dead, dying, death, and died, when referring to the death of those close to us? I don’t mean to sound crass, but if Aunt Millie passed away she’s certainly dead. Deader than a doornail — even if we say she passed away.
I do it, you do it, and almost everyone does it. And most of us, when referring to our eventual death never say… “Hey Mac, when I’m dead, you can have my riding lawnmower…” We say “Hey Mac, if something happens to me you can have my riding lawnmower”.
When you think about it, “If something happens to me” is a rather nebulous thing to say. Lots of things could happen to me:
I could have a root canal.
I could win the lottery.
I could get my foot caught in the blade of a lawnmower
I could win a fruit basket at the local Moose Club.
I could have a new grandchild.
I could get stuck in the snow.
I could get struck by lightning and survive.
I could lose the rest of my hair.
I could eat some food tainted with botulism.
I could get bitten by a rattlesnake.
I could win the lottery.
I could fall through the ice on Sandusky Bay and get hypothermia.
So we don’t really mean “if something happens to me” – something is always happening to me. When we say “if something should happen to me”, we mean… If (when) I die. When I’m dead. When I’m dead and gone.
We have always tried to avoid the words dead or died. Here are some euphemisms we use in place of the “D” words…
Croaked
Kicked the bucket
Dirt nap
Departed
Bought a one-way ticket
Had his or her ticket pulled
Bit the dust
Bought the farm
Shuffled off this mortal coil (Shakespeare fans)
Was called home
Slipped away
Resting in peace
Pushing up daisies
Passed away
Passed on
Is in a better place
Faded away
Dropped off
Six feet under
Deceased
Met his/her maker
With the angels
Gone to Heaven
You can say he or she did any of those things, but no matter whether they croaked, went to meet their maker, are now with the angels, slipped away, pushing up daisies – he or she is still dead. They didn’t pass away, they did not fade away, they did not bite the dust: They died.
But for some reason, I say (more often these days)… ‘If something happens to me, please do this or that… or you can have this or that, or please make sure that this or that is done. Everyone knows when someone says, “If something should happen to me” they mean… “When I die” or “When I’m dead”. But no one likes to say “when I die” or “when I’m dead” because it has such dark or happy connotations – depending on how one lived his or her life. It would be much nicer to shuffle off the mortal coil knowing one was headed to Heaven than if one were taking the elevator down to the ferry to cross the River Styx.
But how do you know for sure? I’m not going to assume anything when it comes to eternity, so I’m going to keep on saying “If something happens to me” instead of “when I croak”, “when I kick the bucket”, “when I buy the farm”… or “when I die”.
So, if something happens to me you can have my…
Dad’s descriptions of dying were “Handed in his/her dinner pail” or “Ran out his/her string.”
I’m old too. I always heard, ‘ When I’m called up yonder’. That might be the same as ‘went to meet their maker’ or ‘now with the angels’. If the conversation comes up, and it has a few times, I always say, ‘When I’m dead and gone’. Great take on life’s end. I love your Essays. Have a great evening.
I assume that this is T.C. writing his thoughts for us to inwardly digest in the nicest way possible. I think that I can safely say I can give T.C. a few more years so he still has time to phrase it whichever way takes his fancy. For me as I am sure my time is much closer than his I rather like the phrase of WHEN I POP MY CLOGS and I do try to look up not down. This is of course is not a competion but for you T.C. I would like to say look on the bright side the world is your oyster and enjoy the magic while you can. Plus you have been a part of our lives for so long what ever would we do without you. We owe you a debt of gratitude also Darcy for the wonderful job you have done over so many years. With the Grace of God we will have both of you around for many more to come. Thumbs up pn that one.
Kindest regards,
Maggie.
I’m assuming the Darcy is the one who writes these “essays”. If not, my apologies to TC.
You are so fantastic, real and a wonderful thinker as well as a writer. I find your ruminations
insightful and worth reflecting upon. You are both such gifted people. Can’t imagine anyone
ever being able to replace you in the event the cloudeight goes “to meet it’s true Maker”.
Blessings on you both. Love JP
OK now…who is the one writing these essays. Please?
TC writes the essays.
I just want to say you are so right about people not saying thr “D” word. I don’t know why cause we are all going to due. I will soon be 85 and hoping to live a few more years so as to meet all my great grandchildren, I have 11today with one more arriving in September. Still have one grandson not married yet and I know this won’t be the final tally! To think, I only had two sons, who will be 63, and 61 this year and I think they are the best sons ever. I could be a little bias, you think? I am all the time telling them when I die……………Know there are. A million things I need to do to make life easier for them. But have come to conclusion that if I don’t have all my passwords down , boxes of stuff all neat and tidy etc they will make it just fine.
I am blessed in more ways than one. You enjoy the rest of you time here on earth.
Awesome “other” words. Some I have heard and some are new! When I tell the kids something I have remembered to do upon my death I always say “When I’m gone.” Need the truth out there and no beating around the bush! It’s a fact of life and we have to try and face it.
Wonderful essay!
Dawn Campbell
One thing you can be darn sure of, TC, is that when I die I will not have “past” away. If anyone uses that word incorrectly I shall come back from the great beyond and clock ’em with the largest iron skillet I can effectively wield. Yes, I am going to visit “The Great Grammarian” and shall return like the Ghost of Christmas Past (not passed!) if anyone eulogizes me using those terms that have set my teeth on edge for years.
We all die. None of us are immortal. But you, my friend, have made my life immeasurably easier and caused more than your share of smiles. Thank you.
My dear mom never minced words much – she always said “when I’m dead you ….”
She DIED in November 2022. (she was 91)
All good. 🙂
(I do miss her though)
My dear mom never minced words much – she always said “when I’m dead you ….”
She DIED in November 2022. (she was 91)
All good. 🙂
(I do miss her though)
We use a lot of euphemisms when we talk about death, & “Avoiding the D Word” reminds me of George Carlin’s skit on “soft” language. Face it: we are ALL dying from the day we are born!
Peace,
Kat