A Rockin’ New Year’s Eve
First, before I get started, let me make it clear that I, for one, don’t like the term “Rockin'”. What does it really mean? A rocking horse is “rockin'” but only if someone is sitting on it. My recliner rocks, but only if I’m a wake and making it rock. I don’t like the term “You Rock!” either. I don’t rock, but if I keep on eating too much, I may roll. Anyway, every time I see the promos for “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”, the contents of my stomach nearly befoul my home’s cheap faux wood flooring.
If I rock my way into the new year, it will be in my recliner, which certainly does rock – but not in the way “You Rock”. So, if I can stay awake until midnight, which is doubtful, I will be sitting in my recliner having “Rockin’ New Year’s Eve”. But I don’t think that’s what the TV network means when it advertises the ” New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” special that has been on every year with Dick Clark (he’s rockin’ on a different plane now) and without him for decades it seems.
Let me say, at this point, at least, it looks like I’m going to make it and wake up in the “new year”. The new year last year was 2023 – and it looks like I can safely say I survived it – although I’m painfully aware that fate can strike in a second. But for the sake of this essay, I’m going to figure on being alive at 12:01 AM on January 1, 2024. On January 1, 2024, I can rejoice and relax – I made it through 2023 – although not without the numerous travails that come with old age and obesity š
Speaking of obesity, have you ever seen a fat cowboy? Seriously. If you’ve seen cowboy movies, then tell me how many fat cowboys you’ve seen. You haven’t seen any – neither have I. I am thinking my ship might come in during the year 2024 should several things fall in place. For instance, if I should stave off dementia for another year… and, of course, if I can stay above ground that long.
Ah, come on! I’m not being morose, I’m just facing reality, I’m no spring chicken anymore. What exactly is a spring chicken? Is there a winter chicken and if so am I one?
I digress… have you ever seen a fat cowboy? You gotta say no because there are none. If all goes well and I can keep on keeping on in 2024, I might get rich as the author of “The Cowboy Diet”. Do you know how many people have gotten wealthy from telling fat people how to get thin? A whole bunch. I might get lucky and be one of them – so I can leave my kids a ton of money when I shuffle off this mortal coil. They will thank me. You will thank me if you are obese and you buy my “The Cowboy Diet” book.
Without giving away secrets of my forthcoming “The Cowboy Diet” book, I’m gonna whet your whistle with a few morsels from it.
If you’ve watched cowboy movies then you’ve probably seen a bunch of scruffy, filthy, wranglers (cowboys – not jeans) sitting around a campfire eating beans and cornbread from tin plates and then swilling hot coffee from dirty-looking tin cups. If you have seen a cowboy movie, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Without giving away too much of my amazing new weight-loss plan and thus snuffing sales of my new yet-to-be-written book, I can tell you that if you like beans and cornbread, you’re going to love my Cowboy Diet Plan.
I’m going to make your bean explode with Cowboy Diet recipes featuring beans you never heard of and beans you may already know – here are some of the beans we use for the recipes in The Cowboy Diet book – which, should I hang on long enough, is going to make my children rich…
Adzuki Beans
Anasazi Beans
Black Beans
Black-Eyed Peas
Cannellini Beans
Chickpeas
Fava Beans
Edamame
Fayot (Flageolet) Beans
Great Northern Beans
Kidney Beans
Lentils
Lima Beans
Long Beans
Mung Beans
Navy Beans
Pinto Beans
And even more, I tells ya!
Not only does my “The Cowboy Diet” book contain hundreds of recipes using many different types of beans, but also many recipes for cornbread — plus coupons you can use to save money on tin plates and tin cups — also a major part of The Cowboy Diet plan. There’s a scientific reason why eating and drinking from plates and cups made of tin helps with weight loss, but I’m not going to get into that here. You’ll have to buy “The Cowboy Diet” book to find out. Plus, did I mention the dollars-off coupons included in “The Cowboy Diet” book that can save you money on tin plates, cups, and cutlery?
To further pique your interest in “The Cowboy Diet” book – I’m going to include one of the many original and wildly amazing cornbread recipes that will help you lose weight on the Cowboy Diet!
Smoky Chipotle & Honey Sriracha Cornbread
This savory sweet cornbread will surprise your taste buds with a touch of heat and unexpected depths of flavor.
Ingredients:
1 cup organic stone-ground cornmeal (medium or coarse)
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 cup chopped dried cranberries
1/4 cup chopped pecans
1/2 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup melted butter
1 large egg
1/4 cup honey
1 tablespoon sriracha sauce
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/4 cup chopped pickled jalapeƱos
1 tablespoon smoked chipotle powder
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 400Ā°F (200Ā°C) and grease an 8-inch square baking pan.
In a large bowl, whisk together cornmeal, flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, chili powder, paprika, cumin, and black pepper.
Stir in cranberries and pecans.
In a separate bowl, whisk together buttermilk, melted butter, egg, honey, sriracha, and chipotle powder.
Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and stir just until combined. Do not overmix.
Fold in cheddar cheese and jalapeƱos.
Pour batter into the prepared pan and bake for 25-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Let cool slightly before serving on a tin plate with one of the many bean recipes included in my forthcoming “The Cowboy Diet” book.
I am looking forward to the challenges of making it through the new year, writing “The Cowboy Diet” and helping those with a “few extra pounds” lose weight, look good, and move like gazelles. And becoming rich from The Cowboy Diet book which I will start writing as soon as I get a chance.
Right now I’m in my recliner, rockin’ and watching “The Twilight Zone” New Year’s Eve Marathon… and having a rockin’ New Year’s Eve!
Happy New Year! Wishing you and those you love – all the best in the New Year!
Oh boy…can’t wait for your book. Happy New Year, TC.
I love it!!! Every year I look forward to the Twilight Zone marathon. There were a few this time I don’t remember seeing. You ‘rock’ the same way I do.
I do remember seeing a fat cowboy. It was the original Zorro series. The Mexican chief of police, or something like that, was really big. I felt sorry for the horse!!!
Anyway, Happy New Year and I am going to try that recipe.
Doug
That was a great article, TC – I loved it and could just picture sitting down to the old TZ episodes. Makes me wish I had a rocking chair – then I could sit in it and rock while I read your new book – when it comes out.
That recipe sounds great, once you put cornbread and butter on the same page, Iām hooked.
As for fat cowboys, (shsss) – I hesitate to bring it up, but I think āHossā from the old Bonanza series might have fit (been stuffed) into that category – unless perhaps he was just ābig-bonedā. Iām sure he ate his fill of beans on a tin plate – just like everyone did in Treasure of Sierra Madre (stinkingā badges not required).
Please keep these articles coming, it was a great way to start my 2024!!
May heaven bless you and Darcy!
-Marty
Oh my gosh, that is a recipe my dadghter would love,, the hotter the better! Not sure about my brother anymore, but he was also about ‘the hotter the better’ foods. Being in his 80’s now I think he has toned down the heat now, I do believe he was the one who introduced my daughter to the heat. LOL Like uncle like niece, LOL. Okay, I’m off to the grocery store to buy necessary ingredients for the recipe.
Great article TC! Happy New Year and looking forward to the new book whenever it comes out!š
Jingles, was very fat, he was Wild Bill Hickock’s sidekick.
The Adventures of Wild Bill Hickok is an American Western television series that ran for eight seasons from April 15, 1951, through September 24, 1958. The Screen Gems series began in syndication,[1] but ran on CBS from June 5, 1955, through 1958, and, at the same time, on ABC from 1957 through 1958. The Kellogg’s cereal company was the show’s national sponsor. The series was also exported to Australia during the late 1950s.[citation needed]
Synopsis
The Adventures of Wild Bill Hickok starred Guy Madison as the legendary Old West lawman (in real life, also a gunfighter) United States Marshal James Butler “Wild Bill” Hickok, and Andy Devine as his comedy sidekick, Jingles P. Jones. The series was set in the 1870s, with Hickok and Jones based at Fort Larabee.
There goes my diet book. What am I going to do with all these beans I bought? I knew I should have watched more Westerns… woe is me. My hopes for glory, money and fame are dashed!