Announcing My 2025 Anti-Super Bowl Party – Watch “Leave It to Beaver” With Me!
For one brief but ugly moment last week, I deserted the cynic inside me. I left the comfort of cynicism intoxicated by the sweet poison of hope. Don’t worry. I’m back in full vigor now. No more rose-colored glasses for me. There is comfort in cynicism. I have my blankie back. I am my old cynical self again.
This Sunday is “Super Bowl Sunday”. I noticed that restaurants and some stores in my little town are closing early because of it. I find it odd that Bob Evans restaurant, which closed at 8:00 PM on Christmas Eve, is closing at 7:00 PM on Super Bowl Sunday. The sign on the door says “We will be closing at 7:00 PM on Sunday, February 9, 2025, for the Super Bowl.”
The only store in town where I can buy old-fashioned newspapers has a sign on its door too. The sign reads: “We will be closing at 7:00 PM on Sunday, February 9, 2025, for the Super Bowl.” That same store closed at 10:00 PM on Christmas Eve. You gotta love this.
The world’s going crazy, we’re turning into a plutocracy, and what? Me Worry? Nope. Nothing is more important than the Super Bowl, which after all is said and done is just another football game. You have no idea how great it is to be a cavalier American! You have to admire America’s ability to shrug and slough stuff off and carry on — it must be leftover from our days as members of the British Empire — you know keep a stiff upper lip…and that sort of thing.
We laugh in the face of tyranny and sneer at the sorry state of world affairs — every grocery store I’ve visited has aisles full of chips, beer, pop and snacks all presented in gala “Super Bowl Party” settings with inflated prices that would make my dear beloved departed grandfather faint. Festive banners and ribbons and streamers abound. No one would ever guess that America or the world had a single problem.
Hey! It’s Super Bowl Weekend!
Restaurants in my town are closing early because it seems they think that everyone will be home eating pizza rolls, pizza, sandwiches, and drinking beer. What about me? Or are they using the Super Bowl as an excuse to send employees home early and save a few bucks on their minimum wage salaries?
I am not going to watch the Super Bowl. I might want to go out to eat after 7 PM or buy a newspaper after 8 PM. I have no choice but to sit at home and brood. One thing is for sure I will not be watching the Super Bowl or care what the score is — or who won. I won’t even care about Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift’s wardrobe, her blazing romance, or who she sits with at the game.
Do you even remember who won last year before Travis and Taylor were a “thing”?
Whatever network is carrying the game is off the air from noon until midnight as far as I’m concerned. Did you know that coverage of the game starts at noon Eastern Time? Guess when kickoff is? Kickoff is at 6:30 PM (wanna bet the kickoff isn’t really until 6:35?) Guess when the game will end? I’m guessing somewhere around 11 PM. You know they have a lot of high-dollar commercials to squeeze in. Lots of “TV timeouts”.
The last time I watched a football game on TV, it was my beloved Ohio State Buckeyes versus Notre Dame for the national championship. Go Bucks! Ohio State beat the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame.
Did you know Notre Dame has a statue of Jesus in their football stadium they refer to as “Touchdown Jesus” – I kid you not. I am serious, check it out! Anyway, during the Ohio State vs. Notre Dame game, the commercials were so long that I almost forgot what was going on in the game.
Anyway, back to the Super Bowl. Why all this hoopla over a football game between two teams from the same league who’ve played before? The Philadelphia Phillies Eagles versus the Kansas City Chiefs (and Taylor Swift)?
People are paying thousands of dollars, for tickets to the Super Bowl. As of right now, the cheapest ticket is $4000. Really! Do you know how many starving kids you could feed for $4000? But just in case you want to go, you can’t –it’s sold out.
Companies are paying tens of millions of dollars to advertise during the Super Bowl. People are spending their last dollars on junk food, beer, and soda pop for their “Super Bowl Parties” yet, here in the richest country in the world, millions of kids will go to bed hungry or without a safe place to sleep. You gotta love our priorities!
How have we become what we are? A bunch of infantile whiners. Miserable souls who complain about inflation while we spend money we supposedly don’t have on potato chips, Fritos, Pepsi, chip dip, Miller Lite, Bud Lite (OH NO!), and then use Door Dash to deliver it all so we don’t have to bother going to the store.
In America, you see, it’s important to have a Super Bowl Party and sit around a 92″ 8K TV– it’s only $198.00 a month at Chip’s Rent-to-Own– and guzzle beer while unabashedly engaging in gluttonous revelry. All because why? Because of a football game.
All that money was wasted. Just think of the number of families that could be fed if just one of the advertisers gave to the poor what one 30-second Super Bowl commercial costs. It doesn’t seem very fair, does it? Tomorrow those same revelers will be complaining about inflation or that they don’t have the money to pay their mortgages or buy gas for the SUVs – some won’t even have lunch money for their kids. So what? They saw the Stupor Bowl.
Some more stuff…
If you’re one of those people who don’t care about football but are going to watch it for the commercials, let me tell you something. That’s kind of like not going to church all year long but suddenly showing up at church on Easter Sunday.
And about those commercials…Those commercials cost millions of dollars per minute. Do you think Budweiser, PepsiCo, and the other advertisers are paying for those? Really? They’re not, you know. You’re paying for those. Every dollar they spend gets figured into their cost of doing business and when the cost gets too high and their profits get too low they’ll raise the price of their products and you’ll end up paying the price.
So laugh at the commercials if you want. Just remember, in the end, those companies are going to stick it to you and they’ll be laughing at you when you pay $20 for a six-pack of Busch Light.
Come to my Anti-Super Bowl Party!
If there is anyone else out there who isn’t taken in by all the hyperbole, you’re welcome to come to my Anti-Super Bowl Party. It starts at 7:00PM. At 7:30 PM I’m going to turn on The Roku Channel and we’ll watch eigth straight episodes of “Leave It to Beaver”. Do you remember Eddie Haskell? Larry Mondello? Theodore, Wally, Ward and June Cleaver? Gus the fireman? Lumpy Rutherford?
I’m having snacks too. You can have your choice of salad or you can choose one of my Lean Cuisine frozen dinners. If you get the munchies, I have pretzel rods and low-fat popcorn. I also have light beer and I think there is some wine left over from Christmas – you can have your choice. I didn’t buy any extra food, munchies, or beverages for my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I will eat the stuff I already have and so will you.. If I run out, you’ll just have to settle for “Leave It to Beaver” on my little 40″ 4K TV. No 92″ 8K TV here. If you’re worried about my food supply – bring your own. I have paper plates and plastic forks and spoons for you.
I have plenty of coffee and water too. So if you get thirsty and the beer and wine are gone, you can have your choice between coffee or water. You won’t go thirsty at my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I might even have a few jelly donuts too. Don’t complain though – when they’re gone, they’re gone. I’d go out and buy more but, remember? Everything is closed at 7 for the Super Bowl. But—don’t come early just for the jelly donuts. I will not answer the door before 7:00 PM. I probably won’t be dressed properly until then and you sure don’t want to see that!
I might decide not to answer the door after 7 either.
The eight episodes of Beaver should be over by 10:30 PM, so you’ll get home in plenty of time to get some sleep so you can get up for work the next morning. We don’t have any “post-Beaver” interviews or analysis scheduled although that might be fun. I won’t have any camera crews in the locker room because I don’t have a locker room – we could all crowd into my bedroom but I don’t think so.
When the Beaver is over, you’ll be expected to leave without delay or complaint. By 10:30 PM I’ll either already be sleeping or very close to it.
You can only come to my Anti-Super Bowl party if you promise to leave right after the last Beaver is over. We’re not going to sit around and talk or pretend to enjoy each other’s company; I hate small talk almost as much as I hate the Super Bowl – you’ve been warned!
I’ll be hospitable as long as you’re quiet during the Beaver and don’t complain about the food. You can have all you want to drink but if I run out, you’ll either have to leave or go without – the tap water is free — help yourself.
It’s the best I can do. I have to count my pennies around here. I am not going out to buy a bunch of junk just because you’re coming to my Anti-Super Bowl Party. Bring your own food if you eat a lot. If my party sounds like a great evening to you, you’re my kind of person.
Let’s watch The Beaver and party hearty!
Cute!!!!
I’ll be joining you in spirit. I’ve never watched a Stupor Bowl (I call it The Stupid Bowl) and intend to leave this earth with that still being the case. I’ll be streaming something or other later but in the afternoon I intend to watch The 2025 Puppy Bowl, starting at 2:00 eastern. The cat might complain but it least it will be about the game and not the treats I won’t be serving. It’s good to know I’m not alone in my disdain for this over hyped and over priced commercial.
I am in, but I don’t have your address. Please send.
My husband and I are from South Louisiana and live outside Baton Rouge about an hour and twenty minutes from New Orleans. Here, LSU and Saints are the most important things in life for most people. Not in our house. I think we are the only people we know that could care less about football. That holds true for all other spectator sports, including hunting and fishing. We have never even tailgated for any LSU games, home or away. Superbowl Sunday does absolutely nothing for me. I know many of our neighbors will have cars lined up down the street for their crazy parties, but we will be at home watching whatever we find on whatever streaming service we decide to use for the night. I used to at least try to watch the half-time show, but in the past several years it has become so raunchy, I have started to pass on that as well. It’s nice to hear that we are not the only house in the country that will not be watching that spectacle.
I’ve never watched the Super Bowl either. It’s ridiculous how much people spend on fun (even when they can’t afford it) because they think they deserve it, even if it is taking food our of their children’s mouths or taking the roof from over their head because they can’t pay their rent and they have to live out of their car. This world has become so greedy. Have fun at your anti-superbowl party. It sounds like my kind of party.