Autumn is Coming in the Winter of My Life
Early September and at first glance there are no signs of autumn anywhere. It’s just as hot and muggy as it was in July. But the trees and flowers look aged. They don’t look like the children they were in the spring and early summer. Time has worn them down. The leaves on the trees are still green but look old, dark, and dusty. The flowers that bloomed so brilliantly in the spring look weary… with petals and leaves wilted and old. Some are falling on the ground and turning brown.
Summer is dying. According to the calendar, autumn is just a few weeks away. But autumn will arrive when it will and no calendar or any of man’s other time-measuring devices will make autumn come one minute before it’s ready.
This time of year makes me pensive. I think the fall brings with it a reminder that our time on earth is limited. That none of us have much time to spend on this planet at least not when compared to the stars and the universe in which they shine.
Our lives are but a flicker in the great flame of time. Even those who live into their nineties are but tiny flickers in the flame of the candle of time or a single grain of sand on the vast beach of time. One hundred years is but a single, insignificant grain of sand on the shores of this vast unbounded universe where time is measured in billions of years. And really not measured at all.
At this time of year, on the cusp of autumn, my thoughts turn melancholy and pensive.
I am past my life’s summer and autumn and for most of it I was not aware I was sliding so quickly down the steep slope of life. And now I find myself in the middle of life’s winter and looking back on the long road behind me. The road ahead is only a fraction of the distance of the road behind me.
Sometimes I get angry with my parents and grandparents for not warning me about how quickly life passes. How limited time really is. How growing old is sometimes not fun – and certainly not for sissies. I am the only one left behind My mom, dad, stepmom, sister, and grandparents have all passed on. My grandfather, whom I loved so dearly, and who I considered my best friend when he was alive, never once warned me about time and aging. He was younger when he died than I am now.
I’m angry that death is a certainty and no one can escape it. Yet sometimes death is welcomed by those who suffer or who are lonely. “All the lonely people…where do they all come from…”
Some people believe in heaven and some don’t. Some people believe in hell, and some don’t – usually the ones who think they’re headed that way. Those who believe in heaven have faith. Faith is all you have when it comes to heaven – because no one I know who has died has come back and comforted me with the news that heaven is a real place. Everything is based on faith.
I would love to have that much faith that I know for certain there is a heaven, but it would take even more faith to believe I belong there.
So, those of us who equivocate have to have something else to believe in when it comes to death that is more – how should I say it? Intellectual?
I figure (assuming there’s no hell – or that if there is I’m not headed there) then there is a heaven – and if there isn’t then I’ll be exactly where I was a thousand years ago. Nowhere. I don’t recall thinking anything a thousand years ago – or even a hundred years ago – “Oh, my, I wish I could be alive so I could eat, drink, live, and be merry.” You know what? I don’t remember worrying about anything or wondering about anything a hundred or a thousand years ago. I was nothing and I had no cares or worries or dreams or desires… and I didn’t miss them.
All these dark thoughts are inspired by the angle of the sun’s rays, the color of the leaves on the trees, and the flowers that now look so weary as autumn approaches.
I get so pensive and introspective this time of the year. I can’t help it. I can’t control it. It’s just how I am.
And autumn is coming in the winter of my life.
So well said. I feel exactly the same as I am just starting the winter of my life.
Yes, but if you look ahead Spring will be here all too soon and then you can look forward once again to Summer. We are always told not to look back but looking ahead is sometimes easier said than done but, surely it is well worth a try as looking back sometimes brings sadness and melancholy and in this day and age there is already too much of that. Look ahead for when Spring puts a lift in your steps and Summer the icing on the cake before Autumn comes again with a warning of the cold frosty fingers of Winter. The Seasons come and go and for me, I have another chance to see them through before it is my time to march on into eternity which because it is such a great mystery for me is also a bit scary as I am not a very brave person and having to take that walk alone is not one I look forward to on my own. I try and enjoy the Seasons for what they are and always hope that there are better things to come.
What if this IS heaven? Could you be happier if you thought it was?
I look forward to your writings! Thanks for starting my Friday off with your thoughts. By the way, I’m 82, been with you guys since musical emails and computers were introduced to me by you.
Look what you did!!
Maggie…I couldn’t have said that better! Amen!
The winter of my life has been here now for many years , i found it it difficult to read The Autumn is coming , but Maggie THANK YOU for your thoughts where uplifting and makes you feel you are not alone and try enjoy life as it is and better things to come, Spring will be back,
If you believe in Jesus Christ as your Savior, that He died, rose and ascended into heaven…..I will see you there. My husband is there and I will meet him again.
God’s blessings, Bonnie
Amen to that Bonnie. It’s by faith in the death and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ. He shed his blood to pay our sin debt.
It is so easy for me to believe in heaven. I’m also in the prime of life, and often look forward to what is ahead for me. Sometimes this life would get you down, if you thought this is all there is. But when you think, this is just a bus stop and I’m waiting for the ride of my life that will take me soaring through the heavens to a land flowing with milk and honey, where there is no sickness, no crying, no pain. But the promise of a place He has prepared for me, I don’t really need a mansion, just to arrive there is all the hope I need. Makes me wake up with joy for this beautiful day the Lord has given me, FULL of life. Live with the expectation that no matter what today brings my way, I have faith in my heavenly Father, He’s got it all under control and I trust Him. Look at creation or a newborn baby and tell me that there is not a God in the Universe who has prepared it for our pleasure to enjoy. Whether it is for a long journey or just a short one, my hope, my faith lies in the hands of my Father who created it all for me to enjoy. So I will, but my hope is in Heaven, so I ALWAYS have something to look forward too.
Amen!!! I agree with you.
Well said Judy. Amen and God bless!
Enjoyed another of your very good, thought provoking writings. And I also enjoyed all the replies back to you and us readers. Keep them coming. Makes me think more. I, too am in the winter of my life but thanks to you I have enjoyed learning about the computer and trying to keep up to date on things with your help.
so well said. I do believe that there is a heaven. I
believe in Jesus Christ as my savior
Every day is a gift so make the most of it . What was, was ,so don’t dwell on it
We are all old in my house, 88, 75 and the cat is 76. Of the 3 of us the cat is failing fast, then the 88 year old and then me. I take comfort in my memories and in not knowing what’s ahead. I trust the future will be no worse than what’s gone before and that really is all I can do. Merry Meet, Merry Part and Merry Meet Again!
Oh my goodness. Reading your post and all the replies brought tears to my eyes. I’m definitely in the “Winter” of my life, 85 years old. I am looking forward to another Spring and another Summer. I feel that God has plans for me. I will wait to find out what his plans are. Have a good life, all of you.
Shirley
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts; many of your readers empathize with you!!