It’s Superb Owl Sunday! Come to My Party!
For one brief but ugly moment last week, I deserted the cynic inside me. I left the comfort of cynicism intoxicated by the sweet poison of hope. Don’t worry. I’m back in full vigor now. No more rose-colored glasses for me. There is comfort in cynicism. I have my security blankie back. I am my old cynical self again.
This Sunday is “Super Bowl Sunday”. A Sunday I call Superb Owl Sunday. See, I call the Super Bowl the “Superb Owl”. Now you think about that for a few minutes.
Anyway…
I notice that restaurants and some stores in my little town are closing early because of it. I find it odd that Bob Evans, which closed at 8:00 PM on Christmas Eve, is closing at 6:00 PM on Super Bowl Sunday. The sign on the door says “We will be closing at 6:00 PM on Sunday, February 11, 2024 for the Super Bowl.” The store where I buy my USA Today newspaper also has a sign on its door. The sign reads: “We will be closing at 6:00 PM on Sunday, February 11, 2024 for the Super Bowl.” That same store closed at 10:00 PM on Christmas Eve.
You gotta love this, I tells ya!
Two more things…If you’re one of those people who don’t care about football but are going to watch it for the commercials, let me tell you something. That’s kind of like not going to church all year long but suddenly showing up on Easter Sunday.
And about those commercials…Those commercials cost millions of dollars per minute. Do you think Budweiser, PepsiCo, and the other advertisers are paying for those? Really? They’re not, you know. You’re paying for those. Every dollar they spend gets figured into their cost of doing business and when the cost gets too high and their profits get too low they’ll raise the price of their products and you’ll end up paying the price. Or maybe shrink the size of the package and charge you more.
So laugh at the commercials if you want. Just remember, in the end, those companies are going to stick it to you and they’ll be laughing at you when you pay $10 for a six-pack of Pepsi.
Take a look at how much Pepsi Cola company paid in bonuses to their executives last year. Still laughing? If you want to laugh and save time, just visit www.youtube.com the day after the game. You can watch all the commercials there without sitting through almost 4 hours of over-hyped football. You can even watch YouTube videos while you chomp on chips and swill beer. I know. I’ve done it.
If there is anyone else out there who isn’t taken in by all the hyperbole… you’re welcome to come to my Anti-Superb Owl Party. It starts at 6:30 PM. At 7:00 PM I’m going to turn on FreeVee and watch six straight episodes of “Perry Mason”. Do you remember Raymond Burr?
We’ll have fun, we’ll save money, and you’ll all drive home sober.
I’m having snacks too. You can have your choice of salad or you can choose one of my Lean Cuisine frozen dinners. If you get the munchies, I have pretzel rods and popcorn. I don’t have beer but I think there may be a half bottle of cheap Aldi wine left over from Christmas. I didn’t buy any extra food, munchies, or beverages for my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I will eat the stuff I already have. If I run out, you’ll just have to settle for “Twilight Zone” on my 46″ LCD TV. Sorry, it’s not a 100″ Super High 6000K TV. If you don’t like my food, bring your own. I have paper plates and plastic forks and spoons for ya!
I have plenty of coffee and water too. So if you get thirsty you can have your choice between coffee or water. You won’t go thirsty at my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I might even have a few jelly donuts too. Don’t complain though – when they’re gone, they’re gone – I’d go out and buy more but, remember? Everything is closed at 7 PM for the Superb Owl. But—don’t come early just for the jelly donuts. I will not answer the door before 6:30 PM. I probably won’t be dressed until then.
And don’t come late! I might decide not to answer the door after 7.
The six episodes of “Perry Mason” should be over by 9:35 PM, so you’ll get home in plenty of time to get some sleep so you can get up for work the next morning. We don’t have any “post ‘Perry Mason’ ” interviews or analysis scheduled although that might be fun. I won’t have any camera crews in the locker room because I don’t have a locker room – we could all crowd into my bedroom but I don’t think so. When the sixth episode of “Perry Mason” is over, you’ll be expected to leave without complaining about what crappy parties I host.
By 10:00 PM I’ll be in bed reading. You can only come to my Anti-Superb Owl party if you promise to leave right after the sixth episode of “Perry Mason” is over. You are not going to sit around at my house and talk or pretend to enjoy my company. Why should you? No one else does. Also, I hate small talk almost as much as I hate the Superb Owl.
Consider yourself warned!
I’ll be hospitable as long as you’re quiet during “Perry Mason” and don’t complain about the food. You can have all the water you want to drink, but if you want something else when the half bottle of wine is gone, you’ll be out of luck. You’ll either have to leave or go without. It’s the best I can do. I’m counting our pennies around here, and I am not going out to buy a bunch of junk food because you’re coming over. Bring your food. If you eat a lot bring a lot of food.
If my party sounds like a great evening to you, you’re my kind of person.
Bring some food and drink… party hearty! After all, it’s Superb Owl Sunday!
What time did you say?. I’ll be there as long as you don’t interrupt “Perry Mason” episodes. I may be five minutes late so save me a donut. Gosh! I love Superb Owl Sunday! Can I bring my pet Owl? I also have some stale pretzels which I’d be happy to share….we’re going to have a blast! lol!
As usual, your observations are right on. We won’t be watching the game here either. We’ll be watching our regular TV and eating our regular snacks and enjoying our evening.
We won’t be watching the Superb Owl either. We also will be eating what we already have in our refrigerator. It’s sad how greedy and selfish this world has become.