Whatever network is carrying the game is off the air from 12:00 noon until 12:00 midnight as far as I’m concerned. Did you hear that coverage of the game starts at 12:00 noon Eastern Time? Guess when kickoff is? Kickoff is at 6:28PM. Guess when the game will end? I’m guessing somewhere around 10:30PM. You know they have a lot of high-dollar commercials to squeeze in. Lots of “TV timeouts”. The last time I watched a football game on TV, my beloved Ohio State Buckeyes versus Clemson (the Bucks got crushed), the commercials were so long I almost forgot what was going on in the game.

But all this hoopla over a football game between two teams from the same league who’ve  played before? The Atlanta Falcons versus the New England Patriots? One of the two has the most arrogant coach who ever lived… and I’m not saying who. He looks like he’s been sucking on lemons. He looks mean and ornery … and unhappy.

The Falcons  usually play in intense heat in front of (until this year) sparse crowds; the Patriots play in a cold place where all the fans carry flasks and make a lot of noise because they’re drunk and… they already know who’s going to win.

People are paying hundreds of dollars, even thousands of dollars, for tickets to the Super Bowl. In case you want to go, you can’t –it’s sold out. Companies are paying tens of millions of dollars to advertise during the Super Bowl. People are spending their last dollars on junk food, beer, and soda pop for their “Super Bowl Parties” yet, here in the richest country in the world, millions of kid will go to bed hungry or without a decent place to live. You gotta love our priorities!

We must look like fools to the rest of the world. We have become a bunch of bored whiners who complain about losing our jobs and our homes while we spend money we supposedly don’t have on potato chips, Fritos, Pepsi, chip dip, Miller Lite, Bud Lite, and other nutritious foods that build strong bellies twelve ways. It’s important to have a Super Bowl Party and sit a around a 92″ 4000K Definition TV– it’s only $198.00 a month at Chp’s Rent-to-Own, and guzzle alcohol while unabashedly engaging in gluttonous revelry. All because why? Because the Atlanta Falcons, from the land of peaches and heat, are playing the New England Patriots who are coached by the world’s… I won’t say it.

All that money wasted. Just think of the number of families that could be fed if just one of the advertisers gave to the poor what one 30-second Super Bowl commercial costs. It doesn’t seem very fair, does it? Tomorrow those same reveler s will be complaining they don’t have they money to pay their mortgages or buy gas for the SUVs – some won’t even have lunch money for their kids. So what? They saw the Stupor Bowl.

Poor kids.Two more things…If you’re one of those people who don’t care about football but are going to watch it for the commercials, let me tell you something.  That’s kind of like not going to church all year long but suddenly showing up at church on Easter Sunday.And about those commercials…Those commercials cost millions of dollars per minute. Do you think Budweiser, PepsiCo, and the other advertisers are actually paying for those? Really? They’re not, you know. You’re paying for those. Every dollar they spend gets figured into their cost of doing business and when the cost gets too high and their profits get too low they’ll raise the price of their products and you’ll end up paying the price.

So laugh at the commercials if you want. Just remember, in the end, those companies are going to stick it to you and they’ll be laughing at you when you pay $20 for a six-pack of Busch Light.

Take a look at how much PepsiCo paid in bonuses to their executives last year. Still laughing? If you really want to laugh and save time, just visit www.youtube.com the day after the game. You can watch all the commercials there without sitting through almost 4 hours of over-hyped football. You can even watch YouTube videos while you chomp on chips and swill beer. I know. I’ve done it.

If there is anyone else out there who isn’t taken in by all the hyperbole — you folks in New England and Seattle are excused — you’re welcome to come to my Anti-Super Bowl Party. It starts at 7:00PM. At 8:00PM I’m going to turn on NetFlix and watch 7 straight episodes of “Leave It to Beaver”. Do you remember Eddie Haskell?

I’m having snacks too. You can have your choice of salad or you can choose one of my Lean Cuisine frozen dinners. If you get the munchies, I have pretzel rods and low-fat popcorn. I also have light beer and I think there is some wine left over from Christmas – you can have your choice. I didn’t buy any extra food, munchies or beverages for my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I will eat the stuff I already have. If I run out, you’ll just have to settle for the Beaver on my little 32″ LCD TV. No 92″ 4000K TV here. If you’re worried about my food supply – you can bring your own. I have paper plates and plastic forks and spoons.

I have plenty of coffee and water too. So if you get thirsty and the beer and wine are gone, you can have your choice between coffee or water. You won’t go thirsty at my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I might even have a few jelly donuts too. Don’t complain though – when they’re gone, they’re gone – I’d go out and buy more but, remember? Everything is closed at 7 for Super Bowl Sunday. But—don’t come early just for the jelly donuts. I will not answer the door before 7:00PM. I probably won’t be dressed properly until then.

I might decide not to answer the door after 7.

The seven episodes of beaver should be over by 9:45, so you’ll get home in plenty of time to get some sleep so you can get up for work the next morning. We don’t have any “post Beaver” interviews or analysis scheduled although that would be fun. I won’t have any camera crews in the locker room because I don’t have a locker room – we could all crowd into my bedroom but I don’t think so.  When the Beavers over, you’ll be expected to leave without delay pr complaint. By 10:00PM I’ll be ready for bed – bleary eyed and sleepy. You can only come to my Anti-Super Bowl party if you promise to leave right after the Beaver is over. We’re not going to sit around and talk or pretend to enjoy each other’s company; I hate small talk almost as much as I hate the Super Bowl – you’ve been warned!

I’ll be hospitable as long as you’re quiet during the Beaver and don’t complain about the food. You can have all you want to drink but if I run out, you’ll either have to leave or go without – oh yeah… the tap water is free — help yourself. It’s the best I can do. We’re counting our pennies around here, and I am not going out to buy a bunch of junk just because you’re coming to my Anti-Super Bowl Party. Bring your own food if you eat a lot. If my party sounds like a great evening to you, you’re my kind of person.

Bring some food and drink… party hearty! Gotta love the Beaver!