If you do a lot of online shopping, and we really hope you do (hint! hint!), you know how convenient it can be. REALLY CONVENIENT! For example, last Christmas, EB did all her Christmas shopping on CyberMonday from the comfort of her own home. Dressed in her granny nightgown and Sponge Bob slippers, she opened her laptop at 12:00AM so she could grab up all the deals before the more needy could get them. In less than 45 minutes she had her Christmas shopping done. She left not one super deal for the less fortunate. This is how the rich people operate – I know, because I’ve watched EB’s fortune grow while my savings have dwindled to a single piece of angel food cake (only angel food for an angel!). She told me one time when I was begging her for money to “eat the cake and quit being mendacious”. I had to fire up my laptop and look up mendacious. By that time she was gone. How dare she?
Anyway, EB rarely pays shipping. She houses a large extended family consisting of two uncles, four godchildren, two refugees from Lower Slobovia, whom she rescued from Lake Michigan while sailing on her yacht (which is named “Thundercloud II”), six cats, one dog and a pet lemur named Walter. Plus EB has relatives in 22 countries and 17 states. Christmas shopping gets expensive when you have to ship things to Lower Slobovia, Upper Slobovia, Eastern Mostovia and places like that. Even though she own two oil well and a silver mine she doesn’t like to waste money. Especially on me. And me, the ever-loyal employee and part-time friend, is always looking for ways to help her save her fortune. I have an ulterior motive though – I keep hoping she’ll take me off independent contractor status and up my wages to minimum wage. I get tired of working at McDonald’s and then coming home and going right to work for EB. I get no sleep. So that lady who wrote last week and told me that my grammar errors and loose ways with the English language detracted from her enjoyment of my witty dialog – please forgive me. I’m doing my best – but my proofreader only has a sixth-grade education; times are rough all over.
So anyway, in my attempts to brown-nose EB, I found a site to save her money on shipping. You can’t get any better than free. Our site pick today is all about free shipping. And since that lady got so upset with me for botching up the English language so badly (see?), I bring on the site’s developer and hope he doesn’t irritate you more than I 🙂 :
“It is our mission to help you save on every purchase by compiling the most exhaustive selection of stores with free shipping and handling on the Internet. We cater to every online shopping need, with regular discounts from iconic department stores like Lands End, Macys, JCPenney, Sears, Nordstrom and Kohls to specialty retailers such as American Eagle, Victoria’s Secret, Best Buy, Oriental Trading and Eddie Bauer. And the savings don’t end with clothes. We take care to ensure online deals from over 4,000 stores and outlets are available daily in time for your next purchase, whether it’s something large or just a personal buy.
Our merchants update their free shipping codes regularly, so check back often to find the newest promotions on the products you love.”
It don’t get no better than free, lady. I tells you the truth doesn’t I?
If you’re shopping online and you’re looking for free shipping deals and coupons – you’ll want to check out this week’s site pick – Freeshipping.org.
I don’t know EB. I think this is one of my best!
Awwww…I guess I’m “that lady” and I feel badly that I made YOU feel the same. I really do know how it is to come home to where safety is promised only to be lambasted by somebody about something stupid. Well, it really wasn’t stupid, at least I didn’t think so, but given the fact that I do think you folks (please notiace that I didn’t refer to BOTH of you as “guys” – another pet peeve) are next to godliness (?), it seems only right to me that I should let you know the trick to making it all the way to walking on water (that is, if you really WANT to walk on water). I really wasn’t nit-picking, I just wanted to be able to enjoy your missives to the fullest. My humble apologies for making you tremble and shudder and mutter “oaths” – or whatever it was that you muttered.
Be assured, however, that I still love you. Now don’t you feel lucky?
I know, I know, I spelled “Notice” wrong. Feel free to lambast me. I don’t even OWN a proofreader – sixth grade education or not.
Dear Shari,
I’m not irritated at all, I was just trying to be helpful. I enjoy your colums so much, I just had to know if the misspellings were deliverate or not. Keep up the good work, you’re a wonderful writer and you really should get a raise.