Snowflakes

They say that no two snowflakes are exactly alike. I don’t know how they know this. Has anyone really seen every snowflake there has ever been? Still, it is fun to think that each snowflake is different because they all seem the same from a distance. It’s sort of like people isn’t it? We’re all the same from a distance yet each one is different up close.

Sometimes when fall approaches and winter is just beyond, I think about snowflakes past, from  winters long ago, and I miss snowflakes as much as I miss sunshine and warm breezes in the middle of a cold, dark, winter night. It’s hard to want what you already have and harder still not to want what you can never have. I think the secret to being happy is to want what you already have and be satisfied with it. It is not easy to be happy when you’re always wanting things you’re not likely to have. I don’t think you can be happy when you are constantly yearning.

I remember when I was a fat kid in eighth grade. I wanted Kris to be my girlfriend. She was beautiful. Every boy in my class wanted Kris to be their girlfriend. And, of course, at the time, I didn’t want to admit that deep inside I knew she wouldn’t be caught dead with a fat kid wearing clothes his mother picked out. But youth is nothing if not resilient. I’d dream about her and imagine walking her home from school, carrying her books, and all the dumb stuff an immature, fat, eighth grade boy imagines. And,  I really thought I’d be totally, completely happy if only she’d be my girlfriend. As with most infatuations it ended suddenly. One day in gym class (when I was trying to impress her) I was running and looking at her at the same time and ran smack into the wall and broke my nose.  All I really wanted then was my nose to get better. I never thought much about Kris after that. I think she moved away sometime that spring anyway. With an eighth grade boy in “husky” sized pants, out of sight means out of mind.

Now that’s been longer ago than I can to admit and it doesn’t even seem to me like it ever really happen.  When I remember it, it seems like a movie with someone else starring as me. But when I feel the slight bump on the top of my nose, I know it was me. Long ago and far away when I was younger than today.

I’m reminded by autumn leaves and pumpkins, apple cider and donuts, tulips and roses, and snowflakes – that I need to be happy with what I have and savor each moment that is given to me. I’m often guilty of forgetting how very precious each day is. Not every day is special but every day is precious. When this one passes into tomorrow it will never come again. And you can’t have moments you’ve wasted back again. It’s hard not to want things you can’t have, but I’ll try. It’s hard to want things you already have because it’s human nature to take familiar things for granted. I will try harder to be happy with the things I do have. The the old saying: “You never know what you’ve got until it’s gone” is probably true. I guess that’s how old sayings get to be old sayings.

I can’t help yearning a little right now, on this rainy, warm, September morning, for those bright colors of autumn which are just around the bend. I can smell and feel the special autumn air on crisp autumn nights even though they’re weeks away. Maybe they won’t feel or smell that way this year. I’ll let you know when they get here. I wonder if I yearn sometimes because I like the way it feels. I know I’ll never be perfect. I’ll always want things I can’t have. And right now I miss snowflakes.

Maybe it is true – no two snowflakes are exactly alike.

Snowflakes

In children we find our most loyal of subjects
They build of our substance soft beautiful castles.
But our glory is fleeting and our kingdom not sound
Peace is knowing our value lies surely in absence
And I pray for the courage to pass on our throne
When the sun brings his kingdom of
Flowers and rain.