TC Is Having Another Super Bowl Party – You’re Invited!

Whatever network is carrying the game is off the air from 12:00 noon until 12:00 midnight as far as I’m concerned. Did you hear that coverage of the game starts at 12:00 noon Eastern Time? Guess when kickoff is? Kickoff is at 6:28PM. Guess when the game will end? I’m guessing somewhere around 10:30PM. You know they have a lot of high-dollar commercials to squeeze in. Lots of “TV timeouts”. The last time I watched a football game on TV, my beloved Ohio State Buckeyes versus some team from one of the Carolinas ( I can’t remember which)  in the “Orange Bowl”, the commercials were so long I almost forgot what was going on in the game. The Buckeyes didn’t prevail though. They lost but…All this hoopla over a football game between two teams from the same league who’ve  played before? The Seattle Seahawks versus the Denver Broncos. Both teams are from west of the Mississippi — I live way east of the Mississippi and all I know about the Seahawks is they always play in mist and fog and the Broncos play in a stadium at an altitude for 6000 feet where the air is thin and water boils early — and every time they play at home they win because their opponents can’t breathe. And when Denver plays at sea level it’s like they ar breathing pure oxygen. No one should be allowed to have such an advantage.People are paying hundreds of dollars, even thousands of dollars, for tickets to the Super Bowl. In case you want to go, you can’t –it’s sold out. Companies are paying tens of millions of dollars to advertise during the Super Bowl. People are spending their last dollars on junk food, beer, and soda pop for their “Super Bowl Parties” yet we’re on the cusp of a Depression? We must look like fools to the rest of the world. We have become a bunch of infantile whiners who complain about losing our jobs and our homes while we spend money we supposedly don’t have on potato chips, Fritos, Pepsi, chip dip, Miller Lite, Bud Lite, and other nutritious foods that build strong bellies twelve ways. It’s important to have a Super Bowl Party and sit a around a 72″Super High Definition LCD TV– it’s only $98.00 a month at Chp’s Rent-to-Own– and guzzle alcohol while unabashedly engaging in gluttonous revelry. All because why? Because the Seattle Seahawks from the land of mist and fog are playing the Denver Broncos who play and train in stadium with hardly any breathable air? It doesn’t seem very fair, does it?Tomorrow those same reveler s will be complaining they don’t have they money to pay their mortgages or buy gas for the SUVs – some won’t even have lunch money for the kids. So what? They saw the Stupor Bowl. Poor kids.

One more thing…

If you’re one of those people who don’t care about football but are going to watch it for the commercials, let me tell you something. Those commercials cost millions of dollars per minute. Do you think Budweiser, PepsiCo, and the other advertisers are actually paying for those? Really? They’re not, you know. You’re paying for those. Every dollar they spend gets figured into their cost of doing business and when the cost gets too high and their profits get too low they’ll raise the price of their products and you’ll end up paying that price. So laugh at the commercials if you want. Just remember, in the end, those companies are going to stick it to you and they’ll have the last laugh. Take a look at how much PepsiCo paid in bonuses to their executives last year. Still laughing? If you really want to laugh and save time, just visit www.youtube.com the day after the game. You can watch all the commercials there without sitting through 3 1/2 hours of over-hyped football. You can even watch YouTube videos while you chomp on chips and swill beer. I know. I’ve done it.

If there is anyone else out there who isn’t taken in by all the hyperbole — you folks in Yuppie-land and Denver (your new marijuana law has given new meaning to the Mile-high City!) are excused — you’re welcome to come to my Anti-Super Bowl Party. It starts at 7:00PM. At 8:00PM I’m going to insert a DVD movie into my old DVD-player and watch “Ground Hog Day”. I’m having snacks too. You can have your choice of salad or you can choose one of my Lean Cuisine frozen dinners. If you get the munchies, I have pretzel rods. And, I have beer and I think there is some wine left over from Christmas – you can have your choice. I didn’t buy any extra food, munchies or beverages for my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I will eat the stuff I already have. If I run out, you’ll just have to settle for the movie on my little 25″ LCD TV. No 52″ plasma TV here. I have plenty of coffee and water though. So if you get thirsty and the beer and wine are gone, you can have your choice between coffee or water. You won’t go thirsty at my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I might have a few jelly donuts too. Don’t complain though – when they’re gone, they’re gone. But—don’t come early just for the jelly donuts. I will not answer the door before 7:00PM. I probably won’t be dressed properly until then.

The movie should be over by 9:45, so you’ll get home in plenty of time to get some sleep so you can get up for work the next morning. We don’t have any “post movie” interviews scheduled. We don’t have any camera crews in the locker room of the ground hog. When the movie is over, you’ll be expected to leave without delay. By 10:00PM I’ll be ready for bed – bleary eyed and sleepy. You can only come to my Anti-Super Bowl party if you promise to leave right after the movie is over. We’re not going to sit around and talk or pretend to enjoy each other’s company. I’ll be hospitable as long as you’re quiet during the movie and don’t complain about the food. You can have all you want to drink but if I run out, you’ll either have to leave or go without – or the tap water is free — help yourself. It’s the best I can do. We’re counting out pennies around here, and I am not going out to buy a bunch of junk just because you’re coming to my Anti-Super Bowl Party. If my party sounds like a great evening to you, you’re my kind of person.

Party hearty!