The sound of rain falling, cascading down the eaves, rushing to be free: This is the perfect soundtrack for a pensive day.
Sometimes I feel so sad and lost, but I realized today, I cannot even manage to summon up a single tear. I think I have cried all the tears allotted to me in this lifetime. I used to cry freely, so much so I’d walk out of theaters with the tracks of tears still glistening on my cheeks.
Death and tragedy have been my companions throughout my life, and I’ve made some horrible choices which have added a new dimension to the darkness that grows inside.
And the more the darkness grows, the more I withdraw into a world that exists only in the center of my mind; a place where flowers bend in a gentle wind, the sound of children, in their beautiful innocence, echo, and the sun, warm and brilliant, always shines. A place where gentle showers only come when I am sleeping.
Now I go there as often as I can; I go there more often than I should. Someday, perhaps, I will never return from that place, and the world will judge that I have lost my mind, and institutionalize me, and feed me soft foods, give me patronizing words and smiles, and wait for me, the crazy old man, to die.
The older I get, the less I understand the world. We have made this world so complex that not even the smartest know exactly how things work anymore. We have people gambling on our future in the Future’s market, people gambling with our money on Wall street, people spying on themselves on Facebook and Twitter; governments following our every move, cameras everywhere. We’ve lost our privacy and we’re losing ourselves. We’re becoming a massive automaton, a collective, bees in a hive, all working for an imaginary queen.
Beauty and talent are rewarded, intellect is derided. Our food is sullied with all manner of substances and artificial things, but it tastes good, so we eat it. We follow along like sheep being led to slaughter, yet we open not our mouths for fear of offending someone, or for fear someone will ridicule us.
We have medicine for everything but the things which kill us, diabetes, cancer, strokes. The pharmaceutical companies have made pawns of us all. They play on our need to be part of the collective, by preying on our desire to always feel well. If we’re too sleepy too often, it’s not that we need more sleep, but we have a condition called ESS excessive Sleepiness Syndrome – and yes, there’s a pill for that. If we can’t pay attention, we might have ADD, and there is medicine for that. If we are getting older and can’t “please our partner”, there’s a pill for that. If our eyelashes aren’t long enough to be considered “sexy”, we have medicine for that. If we have too many wrinkles, we have Botox for that. If we are anxious, tired, irritable, depressed, too happy, too fat too thin, there will be an acronym for it, and a pill or a shot for it.
We have no cure for cancer and I wonder why. Is there too much money in it? Are hospitals and doctors too dependent on it? And if there were a cure developed, would it be out of the reach for those of us who are not wealthy? Would only the wealthy benefit.
More than this, I realize we have no cure for ignorance, intolerance, greed, stupidity, superficiality, insensitivity. Why don’t we have a pill for EIS, Excessive Ignorance Syndrome. I think it’s because intelligence isn’t a desirable trait in this increasingly bizarre and baffling world. Where is the smart pill? Where is the pill to cure the insensitivity of those who see problems only when the problems affect them.
In this world of billionaires and excessive wealth, we turn a blind eye to the millions of children who go each day without enough to eat, we pretend they don’t exist. These children are suffering, not because of what they’ve done, but because of where they were born. And even here, in the wealthiest country on the face of the Earth, children go hungry while the Lexuses and BMWs and Cadillacs roll by, and private jets fly overhead.
We reward those who are beautiful and talented and ridicule those who are intelligent, thoughtful, insightful, and sensitive.
We live in a world where intolerance festers just below the skin, because it’s not politically correct to be outwardly intolerant we hide it, but it’s still there: prejudice, disdain, and hatred are all alive and well, it’s just not socially acceptable to display them openly.
I am glad I don’t know where the world is headed, but I know I am glad I won’t be around to find out; I don’t think I’d like it much. I don’t much like the things I see going on now.
The Amazon Rainforest is being raped and pillaged for profit. The polar ice caps are shrinking – and no matter whose to blame, nature or humankind – it’s happening and sea levels are rising. Crops are grown, not according to what is most needed, but according to some Futures market where the wealthy bet on what the price of corn, wheat, and soybeans will be next January.
We walk around with smartphones and tablets so we can feel connected, without realizing that the more connected we are, the more disconnected from ourselves we become. We are becoming a collective hive, weaving a honeycomb of filled with bittersweet nectar, a reward for our part in the collection.
Someday we’ll have what we have allowed and what we will then deserve. A society of sheep, led to slaughter by the wealthy few and the governments who represent them – we will all be gears in the collective cogwheel – spinning and spinning, around and around, until we die. And then our children and their children will inherit the world we made — the one we allowed to be.
Privacy is gone. Individualists, and others who think for themselves, are called nut jobs or weirdos or nerds or eggheads. The more like everyone else we are, the more accepted we are – and the less we have to think for ourselves.
I don’t understand how the world works anymore, and I’m not sure I ever did. I don’t understand it and it makes me sad. But no matter how sad I feel, I can’t seem to summon up a tear – not for myself and not for anyone else either. And that’s the saddest thing of all.
The only shield I have against the insanity of the world is the world inside my mind — where gentle rivers, pure and crystalline, flow through untouched fields of lilies, where the sky is always pure and blue, and where the distant sound of innocence sounds melodious, soft and sweet.
The rain is still falling, but now the day has turned to night. And the flashes of lightning and the rumbles of thunder no longer are buried in the gray light of the day. I am still here, always here, listening to the rain falling, listening to the clock ticking, while my mind and my life slip away.
Please don’t slip away too far, we need you. I slip away with a good book.
Beautiful prose and so very, very, true. It sums up our modern lifystles. To quote Oscar Wilde “We know the price of everything and the value of nothing” We can’t trust the banks or our politicians anymore – everyone is out for what thay can get, is there any so called professionals left who has any moral fibre and integrity? I think the only one left is Nelson Mendala. We are judged by our material possessions and wealth, but as Robert Burns said ” The honest man how ever so poor, is king of men for all that.
Best regards and thanks for your “pearls of wisdom”
What a touching and thoughtful essay. Your recent essays all seem to have a similar theme, and it worries me. We all know, whether we acknowledge it or not, that this old world has indeed gone in downward spiral, and that creates sadness, anxiety, worry, stress and sometimes hopelessness in us. Please, understand that our Grand Creator knows of our misery and yearns to make this earth a paradise again,as he originally intended. That promise to us has never changed, but has been challenged by the wicked one who desires the worship that does not belong to him.
Too many humans look to other humans to “fix” the problems, right the wrongs, make things better. We see how well that turned out didn’t we? God’s Word spells out the promise He gives mankind, the hope and assurance that God cannot lie, so it WILL be done….and soon.
Rainy days are indeed a time for reflection, but don’t allow yourself to go down a darker path……that is not where you will find hope. Look into your heart, understand that God’s will for us is such a joy and is not that far off as looking at today’s state of affairs clearly shows us.
I love and so agree with what you said.
1 Peter 3:15 “But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the *hope* that is in you with meekness and fear:” KJV
I pray TC see your reply and accepts that same “hope” and faith.
I admire and envy your talent with words. You have the ability to write what many of us think and can’t say for ourselves. The world has become a sorry mess, and we are to blame, and yet it’s not possible to allocate blame individually. I will wait with interest to see what eventuates.
You sound a lot like I did a few years ago. I can remember thinking how my life seemed so out of control and I wasn’t able to focus on anything positive.
A lot has happened since then, a big sad unthinkable loss for our family, it was something I never imagined would happen to a young person who made one mistake and paid dearly with his life.
I think back to the time when I felt out of control, out of focus and wonder if he had the same thoughts. I wish I would have been focused on him more and not on myself so much. Would things have been different? If I would have been positive instead of so negative would I have seen things in a different light?
No one can know what life brings. No one can know what other’s are thinking and why they do things they do. You can do everything for yourself however. You can change the way you think and give other’s an insight into what you do and why. Be happy within yourself, start small because it’s not easy. But only you can change your life. The world will continue with and also without you. But while you’re here make it a great journey for you and your loved ones. You’ll be surprised to see how the world changes when you yourself take control of your destiny. Have at it! Give it a try! I can tell you’re just at a crossroads of your life because I was there, too. It’s not the time to back away, it’s the time to regroup and see what’s in store for you in the next few minutes, a few days from now, next week, etc.
Don’t think about what’s happening with the world for a few days. Take some time off from the news, do your work and watch a couple of good old movies. Listen to some good music. Find the good that’s been buried in your mind, it’s crying to get out again. Tears can be set aside for awhile unless they’re tears from laughing.
Okay, I’m done. Just know I can relate, you’re not alone but believe me, you’ll be less alone when you give up that sadness. Save it for a time way down the road, right now it’s time for some good stuff. Enjoy!
I’m sure that everyone that’s read this has been touched deeply by it. What a wonderful gift you have to be able to express the feelings of so many of us. By doing so, I think you ultimately make us take a deeper look into ourselves and make changes in our lives which will bring contentment and more happiness.
My feelings exactly. I won’t be here to see it, either, since I’m almost 78. It’s become a very scary world, and our children will I heritage this mess. Oh my gosh!
Patricia
Why do we worry about things we cannot fix? Is it cause things are either beyond our knowledge, or things are broken beyond repair…. such as a broken heart. How does one fix a broken heart? It shows it’s still intact and beating, yet cannot seem to function as before…. will it shrivel up and die? Did age or lack of love contribute to it’s demise? All living things want to continue as before….. whether it’s a spider, a gopher, or a human being. It’s hard to accept things in life we cannot control, so we try and ‘condition our minds’ that it was not to be….. but is that possible? I think not! Just remember…. ‘what you’ve never had, you’ll never miss, but what you’ve had a taste of, you’ll always want!!’
A beautifully written “Thoughts on a Rainy Day.” A sad look into what our future holds for each of us, since there’s a ‘no repair’ sign we carry around our necks day to day. Only the innocence of a child is blind to an unforeseen future.
Amen to every word and comment above! Create in us a clean heart O God and renew a right spirit within us.
So touching and true. There are no words that I can possibly add to your “Words of Wisdom” and all the great comments that have been written. Thanks to all of you and remember that God is with us every day and relying on our Trust in Him.
Thank you. What a beautiful moment you gave us all: you went to the place we won’t tell others about, sometimes we don’t own them ourselves and you went so eloquently! I’m becoming part of the world who sees things unfolding in the manner it needs to, though I still take the time and trouble to harass my reps, write letters to the editors, etc. I learned as a tiny girl to keep looking at the blue in the sky, to watch raindrops trickle a path down the window pane, and to lay quiet in summer fields, listening to the insects working the ground beneath me.
Been there, done that, wrote the book and got a T shirt. My saving grace is that no matter how trivial it may seem at the time, when I help someone with something, I have made a positive difference in someone’s life. It doesn’t matter if it’s advice, a little money, a willing ear to listen to someone who needs it, or fixing someone’s computer so they can continue to enjoy doing what they enjoy doing without problems…in short, you are valuable to many people, more than you know. You have earned your crown in heaven and when you help someone, smile….you made a difference!
This is a true and very frightening essay. This country is in so much trouble. This should sound a warning for a wakeup call for us all. May God help us.
Oh, TC, I have expressed many of the same thoughts. Not as eloquently, however. Just a week or so ago I told my husband I was glad I wouldn’t be around to see what our wonderful country is becoming. Definitely we should put our faith in God. But remember, God helps those who help themselves and the majority of Americans have their heads buried in the sand..totally unable or unwilling to help themselves or anyone else.
Once more a beautifully composed essay. Unfortunately dark. I know there are many, many or us who are sharing these same fears. I pray it is not too late to reverse and avoid the awful results of our greed. God gave us such a beautiful earth to live on. God must be weeping.
I think you have managed to put into words the thoughts so many of us have been thinking but just didn’t know how to convey. Or maybe we just fear saying it out loud – that is the saddest part of all. For that we all thank you.
Wow! You do have gift for crafting words together. I am jealous… I shouldn’t be, but I am.
TC – and the rest of us who would desire to retreat into places of peace, whether real or imagined – DON’T!!!! We need you!! The war is raging and you and your generation must continue to stand. I am of the generation that is coming right behind you, and I and some of those with me are only now starting to figure out just how much trouble we are in. Even some of those in the generation just behind me are starting to see it. *Please* DO… NOT… RETREAT! Face forward! Eyes front! Continue to stand!
It is a very true and wise saying: “the only thing that is required for evil to take over the world is for enough ‘good’ people to stand idly by (or retreat) and do nothing. You… we… all of us have a real and important purpose for being here. We are not here by chance or by mistake. We are here at this place on the Earth and at this time in history by design. You have a purpose; you have a job to do, and you are uniquely gifted and equipped to do it. If ‘good’ people will not stand together and face the enemy (dare I say, enemies!), then decency will completely crumble and fall away like dust.
Maybe the Creator will intervene and there will yet be another spiritual and moral revival in history. Maybe not. But regardles, we have a purpose and a task at hand. Our job, the task before every single one of us, is first to know our Creator (Jn. 17:3 – not just know *about* Him, but to actually *know* Him) and, second, to use our life to have a spiritual impact in the lives around us. I do not know if you have thought about this, but if you read about the armor of God (Eph. 6:10-19), you will see that word pictures used there are all for protecting you *only* when you are facing the enemy. There is nothing that protects your backside. If we retreat, we are exposed!
Please, do not retreat. Stand with me, stand with US, shoulder to shoulder with us. Do not turn to the left or the right, but stand up and *keep on* speaking up. Your voice is needed. Do not quit now! Stay in the fight until your dying breath! And I will do the same. Deal?
As I read this and the comments from your readers, this brought back thoughts that I have read or seen everyday. This country our “America” is changing for worse, we must try to do things to encourage our leaders. I was taking by Dorie – who said or wrote most of the thoughts that I have been thinking. I have to say I agree with you T.C. and the writers that posted their comments. I too will not be around (probably) to see changes made for the good. I hope changes will take place so our children and grandchildren will see a better America. God Bless