For one brief but ugly moment last week I deserted the cynic inside me. I left the comfort of cynicism intoxicated by the sweet poison of hope. Don’t worry. I’m back in full vigor now. No more rose-colored glasses for me. There is comfort in cynicism. I have my blankie back. I am my old cynical self again.
This Sunday is “Super Bowl Sunday”. I notice that restaurants and some stores in my little town are closing early because of it. I find it odd that Bob Evans, which closed at 8:00PM on Christmas Eve, is closing at 7:00PM on Super Bowl Sunday. The sign on the door says “We will be closing at 7:00PM on Sunday, February 3, 2013 for the Super Bowl.” The store where I buy my daily newspaper also has a sign on its door. The sign reads: “We will be closing at 8:00 PM on Sunday, February 3, 2012 for the Super Bowl.” That store closed at 10:00PM on Christmas Eve. And both are open all day on any ordinary Sunday. You have to love this.
People are paying thousands of dollars, for tickets to the Super Bowl. In case you want to go, you can’t –it’s sold out. Companies are paying tens of millions of dollars to advertise during the Super Bowl. People are spending their last dollars on junk food, beer, and soda pop for their “Super Bowl Parties” yet are economy is struggling – 8% of our citizens unemployed? We must look like fools to the rest of the world. We have become a bunch of infantile whiners who complain about losing our jobs and our homes while we spend money we supposedly don’t have on potato chips, Fritos, Pepsi, chip dip, Miller Lite, Bud Lite, and other nutritious foods that build strong bellies twelve ways. It’s important to have a Super Bowl Party and sit a around a 52″ LCD 3D TV – it’s only $88.00 a month – and guzzle alcohol while unabashedly engaging in gluttonous revelry. All because why? Because the Baltimore Ravens are playing the 49ers? It doesn’t seem very fair, does it? On Monday those same revelers will be complaining they don’t have they money to pay their mortgages or buy gas for the SUVs, while taking hangover medicine and whining about the lack of sleep.
Will you feel sorry for them?
One more thing…
If you’re one of those people who don’t care about football but are going to watch it for the commercials, let me tell you something. Those commercials cost millions of dollars per minute. Do you think Budweiser, PepsiCo, and the other advertisers are actually paying for those? Really? They’re not, you know. You’re paying for those. Every dollar they spend gets figured into their cost of doing business and when the cost gets too high and their profits get too low they’ll raise the price of their products and you’ll end up paying that price. So laugh at the commercials if you want. Just remember, in the end, those companies are going to stick it to you and they’ll have the last laugh. Take a look at how much PepsiCo paid in bonuses to their executives last year. Still laughing? If you really want to laugh and save time, just visit www.youtube.com the day after the game. You can watch all the commercials there without sitting through 3 1/2 hours of over-hyped football. You can even watch YouTube videos while you chomp on chips and swill beer. I know. I’ve done it.
If there is anyone else out there who isn’t taken in by all the hyperbole you’re welcome to come to my Anti-Super Bowl Party. It starts at 7:00PM. At 8:00PM I’m going to insert a DVD movie into my old DVD-player and watch “Ground Hog Day”. I’m having snacks too. You can have your choice of salad or you can choose one of my Lean Cuisine frozen dinners. If you get the munchies, I have pretzel rods. And, I have beer and I think there is some wine left over from Christmas – you can have your choice. I didn’t buy any extra food, munchies or beverages for my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I will eat the stuff I already have. If I run out, you’ll just have to settle for the movie on my little 32″ LCD TV. No 52″ plasma TV here. I have plenty of coffee and water though. So if you get thirsty and the beer and wine are gone, you can have your choice between coffee or water. You won’t go thirsty at my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I might have a few jelly donuts too, maybe some Moon Pies. Don’t complain though – when they’re gone, they’re gone. But—don’t come early just for the jelly donuts. I will not answer the door before 7:00PM. I probably won’t be dressed properly until then.
The movie should be over by 9:45, so you’ll get home in plenty of time to get some sleep so you can get up for work the next morning. We don’t have any “post movie” interviews scheduled. We don’t have any camera crews in the locker room of the ground hog. When the movie is over, you’ll be expected to leave without delay. By 10:00PM I’ll be ready for bed – bleary eyed and sleepy. You can only come to my Anti-Super Bowl party if you promise to leave right after the movie is over. We’re not going to sit around and talk or pretend to enjoy each other’s company. I’ll be hospitable as long as you’re quiet during the movie and don’t complain about the food. You can have all you want to drink but if I run out, you’ll either have to leave or go without. It’s the best I can do. We’re on the verge of a Depression here, and I am not going out to buy a bunch of junk just because you’re coming to my Anti-Super Bowl Party. If my party sounds like a great evening to you, you’re my kind of person.
Party hearty!
The business owners seem to revere the super bowl more than they do God . it speaks well of a nation in decline as far as morals and character are concerned .
Well said Ken and oh SO true!!!
32 inch is not little, huge big colossal, but of course if you are used a 14 inch TV that would sound awful big
love your anti super bowl party —
I`ll hAVE ONE MYSELF—–only I will be
playing FUN GAMES ON MY COMPUTOR
and the snack will be either cup of coffee or hot tea–which I have here at home anyway–
who ever wins super bowl good for them but I ani`t watchen it >>>>
I’d like to come to your Anti-Super Bowl Party. Last night my wife asked me who will be playing and I said, “I don’t know”. Honest. I didn’t know until I read your rant. I’ll bring a six pack of Mountain Dew and a bag of Cheetos.
Rant on! I feel the same way. I won’t be watching the game and, like you, I will watch the commercials on You Tube! That’s what I did last year…
I won’t be watching the SuperBowl, either. The Patriots didn’t make it. Besides that, it brings back bitter memories of all the “customers” I helped to buy a new TV only to return it the day after the game. (A rental as far as I’m concerned.) I worked on commission back then, so the extra money helped but I didn’t dare spend any of it. Returns got deducted on the next pay period.
You can also watch the commercials on any online news sports pages.
All this commotion over a football game. I’ll never understand it. My husband is in the military and we’re stationed overseas right now and the guys actually get Monday off so they can watch the superbowl! It’s labeled a ‘family day’, but the superbowl is the real reason. Just another excuse for the guys to have an extra day to drink. How sad.
Wait!Wait! In your haste you don’t stop to think of all the other “fun” things you will miss…like….will Beyonce REALLY sing the national anthem this time or lip sync again….and what if her blouse should “accidentally” fall open….you know, that wardrobe malfunction thing? Oh heck….I prefer to check out the puppy bowl on Animal Planet if I bother to turn on the TV at all Sunday.
I want to come to your party….as soon as I get home from church!
I agree with that 100%. More football players getting their heads bashed in for what? Pretty bad when they have to close early because of a football game.
Similar happenings in Australia. AFL Grand Final, and we live in hope that it is FINAL, but no, same thing next year. A horse race, the Melbourne Cup, and damn near the whole country pauses almost everything to watch or listen.
Professional sport, a massive amount of wasted energy which doesn’t benefit anyone, except the mega-dollars in the pockets of the participants, coaches and managers.
I will watch the Superbowl.you can whine all you want. and for people that don’t like football,it can pay for your son’s college education.think about that before you rag on the Superbowl.
Not watching the game or the advertisements. Playing games on my computer (no violent stuff or any games that require speed), visits from friends and family, etc. More fun to my way of thinking. Plus good conversation with a good friend as well that happens on a daily basis. Love it!
Patricia
I’ll come to your anti super bowl party too TC, like the gal in the comment above, right after Church. Your remarks are all too true and I’m glad you have the nerve to put on the web what we all know and think.
My husband and I use Superbowl Sunday as a day to do something special, since everyone else will be watching the game. Last year we had front row tickets for “Jersey Boys” on game day……. This year it will probably be a glass of wine, a little TV, and early to bed!
Love your Anti-Super Bowl Party rant! This one has to be one of the best you have written! I do really enjoy football (GO BRONCOS!) but ALL the Super Bowl hype is insane!
Truer words were never spoke.Love it
I’ll be there after church and bring Cracker Jacks to pass around!
Oh, TC. You are b-b-b-bad to the b-b-b-bone, and I love you! I totally agree. Why is it that a title – “Super Bowl” spawns such fervor? I don’t remember seeing anywhere in the Bible, that we must worship and watch the “Super Bowl” without fail. I cannot fathom why so many consider the game a national holiday to stuff themselves with junk food and booze to watch a bunch of overpadded bullies smash themselves into each other, often causing serious injury just to get possession of a stupid ball. Christmas always has been and always will be my Super Holiday, and it has more reason to be sacred!
Enjoyed reading your rant, TC. I won’t be watching the Super Bowl either. In fact, Yahoo! results on their poll asking if people would be watching the SB showed that over 70% would NOT! Just came from the grocery store where 8 out of 10 baskets displayed food rather than junk. I’ll be watching PBS’s “Downton Abbey” — that’s great TV drama! No wardrobe malfunctions, no commercials, and no broken bones or concussed brains. Tea, anyone?
Hi TC: YOU’RE BEST RANT–#1. All your Cloudeight members and fans now know that you are up and at “em again. The comments are all great, but sadly–so-o true of our world. However, TC, I just wanted to add an extra “thank you” for the invitation because I will woon be 84 and have never had an “personal” invitation to the Super Bowl. If you think it’s bad where you live, be thankful you don’t live in CA–the women are all shopping and the men are “who knows where”. I hope your place is big enough for all of us that will be coming–but I would appreciate room for my walker and do you have a recliner for my legs. (Ha!) Thanks again, TC and welcome back!
Let me add my little rant, too. February is MY birthday. In my book, that is way more important than any old football game, no matter how much hype they give the football game. I admit that Hubby will be watching the game (he loves football–BUT he will also be crocheting on a blanket while he watches and there will be no party going on). I will not be watching the game, although I will do my best to appear interested when Hubby tells me about the game or the commercials. I have better things to do, like play on the computer and/or make hand-crafted cards to send to special people. And I will probably be heading to bed about half-way through the game since I’ve had next to no sleep in the past 24 hours and 5:00 a.m. Monday morning will get here all too soon when I have to get up and take my newly 56 year old self to school where I will be starting my second week of student teaching a class of third graders. Happy Birthday to me!
We in S. Africa have the same scene. People who are without jobs struggling to feed their families in really dire poverty will beg, borrow or steal to get money to buy a ticket to see their football team play. The T.V.’s will be bought on credit and the bottle stores will do a roaring trade.
Thanks for the invite, TC, I think you out-did your non-party from last year. Like last year, I fell asleep in the corner. Thanks for waking me up when the movie was over. I remember watching Superb Owl I in 1970-something on our 12″ B/W TV. That was enough.
A few minutes ago I left a pretty snide comment. After thinking it over, I realized that you didn’t deserve that. I apologize if I offended you. We all have a right to find our own pleasure in life, and our individuality is what makes our nation great. Carry on with your party, and please accept my humble apologies.